Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
