Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
