dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
