The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
