4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And then the night went full on bisexual.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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