4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
