the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
