I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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