I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
