i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
