Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
