I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i came on her dog
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Found the puke drawer
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize