she was so not down for the gang bang
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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