what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Im part way to drunk.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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