i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
