If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
