Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
