It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
