I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
