Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
