Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
