That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
