I want to make a zoo with you.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
