where am i from again
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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