I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
