Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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