I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
