sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
