Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
