You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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