she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
