I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think i have two assholes
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
