So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I came so hard my ears popped.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize