so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
