Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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