How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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