My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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