I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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