Buhtt sex?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
