I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You ruined the universe
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
