Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
