i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
