You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
