Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
