I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize