he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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