I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
