I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize