She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
