She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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