Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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