I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
