It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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