I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
