I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize