I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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