Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Fuck appropriateness.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
