Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize