At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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