I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
