Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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