I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
