Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
