If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
