There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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