Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
