I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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