my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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