Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
