I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
