You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
A+ Viking dick
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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