**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
