Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize