just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
