I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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