I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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