Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
