My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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