Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Me too!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
