Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
