It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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