Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
