"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
