How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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