I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
