I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
