i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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