He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
