I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
