Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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