Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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