at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
