She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
