Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
