Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
