Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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