Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
