Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize