Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
